CynDee

We danced like fools
Next to the car
While the boys just stared at us
We didn’t really care
That night your mom called the cops

Being labeled a bad influence
And banned from your life

You dating the boy
I swore I’d always love
But loving you enough
To stay in your life
Long after he’d gone away
And how you tried to cheer me up by claiming
He’d always loved me more than he'd loved you anyway

Moving away only to find
That while my lifelong friends forgot
You never did
As you sent me cards, mix tapes, and love
From a state or two away
To remind me that you never would

The laughter that we shared
When you called me up just to say hi and to let me know
Your mom had finally un-banned our friendship
Because she saw how true it was…
And a bad influence I no longer was

A teddy bear cut from a grocery bag
Holding a poem you’d written just for me
Pictures, cards, letters, songs, so many things
Reminding me of you…

How you always insisted on being my Valentine
Because you knew how much I wanted
To do nothing but cry and hide
As the ghosts from V-day past snuck into my thoughts
You worked so hard to make me believe
Those old wounds couldn’t hurt me anymore

Through the best and worst of times
Marriages, divorces, kids, school, jobs, everything, anything, and nothing…
Together we learned so many lessons
About how unfair life can be
And how it will knock you down
So very low that hope seems out of reach
Yet through it all we’d extend our hands to one other
To Lift each other right back up
To stand tall together
Through it all

I'll never be able to clearly explain it,
To help someone to understand
What having you in my life really meant
For there are simply not enough words
To express the beauty that is you

Now you’re gone
And I don’t know why
But like I said
We both knew
How unfair life could be
And still somehow I feel as though
You’re the one who is getting me through
The pain of losing you

There are some who truly believe
That nothing lasts forever
And maybe that is true
But I also know that for as long as I breathe
You will forever be a part of me

Because you see, while it's true
That there will never be
Another birthday, Christmas, V-day, phone call, letter, card, or photo
Shared by you and me
I promise you my angel
I’ll keep you alive in my heart
A part of my soul forevermore


RIP CynDee (April 3, 1975 - August 27, 2005)

September 9, 2005
© Ramie

Mister Honesty

Pick and choose when you’ll
Be an open book just for me
Use your words like weapons
And then disappear
Once my wounds are fresh again

Well
When your words have become too much to bare
I know all to well
How to run away, how to hide, just like you
But I can’t stay away for long
Because you mean too much to me too
Mister Honesty

Don’t get me wrong
I don’t doubt
Anything you’ve ever said
I’ve never had a reason to
But I find it oh so interesting
That you only open up to me
If it suits you
And when it gets to be too real
I know you’ll be hiding soon
Until you think the coast is clear
Then you’ll come you back
To start it all over again

Well
When your words have cut too deep
I know all too well
How to run away, how to hide, just like you
But I can’t stay gone too long
Because you mean the world to me
Mister Honesty

Don't you think it's time that you
Tell me the whole truth
Instead of selected pieces of it
Stop biting your tongue
When you think you’ve said too much
Just tell me what it is you feel
Stop running
And face me just this once
I know that you can do it
I know you’re always true
But why you disappear so often
I will never understand
Please won’t you explain it all to me

Because
When your words are breaking me in two
I know all too well
How to run away, how to hide, just like you
But I won’t stay gone too long
Because you mean the world to me
Mister Honesty

January 26, 2005
© Ramie

Edit

I am going back in time
On a mission to re-write random acts
From the play that is my life, me

An eraser in one hand, a pen in the other
I wipe out this moment, that sentence, him or her, an action I never should have done
And I fill in the missing pieces
Plotting them all so carefully
Using all of the knowledge I’ve gathered along the way
Re-writing my play the way I know it was meant to be acted out

I try not to blame myself
Yet I know I am the star, director, producer
Partial author
I can’t take full writing credit knowing that sometimes
Co-stars took my words away from me, improvised, filled in their own
How dare they use their words to write my story
How dare I let them

Doesn’t matter now,
I’m on a mission
Going back in time to re-write my story
My life
My history

With an eraser in one hand, a pen in the other
Skillfully re-mastering this story
An alternate beginning and middle
But my story is not over
Perhaps the ending won’t need a re-write
An editor extraordinaire

And you, who are you to tell me I can’t
It’s so easy for me to see now
The wrongs I need to right, re-write
Yes, I can. I can change them
I can edit it all
For you see, it’s all in my mind

January 22, 2005
© Ramie